Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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