one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
