Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
