You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
