smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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