it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
