Dual....:-)
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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