you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
