I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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