would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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