I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
