So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
