The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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