so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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