I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
