my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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