you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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