you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
