Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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