u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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