Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
