I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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