just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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