so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
