i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
