considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
