I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
