I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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