Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
