So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
