I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
