you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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