i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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