omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
