My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
