So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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