Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
