Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
