HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
