I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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