he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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