In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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