he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
