wat bout pragnant strippers??
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
