My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
