Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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