Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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