Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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