first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
