Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How does one acquire holy water?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
