did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Also, beer. Big fan.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
