Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
