About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
