I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
